Stupid Amazon Reviews: Mr. Bacon vs. Monsieur Tofu Action Figures

In the battle between bacon lovers and tofu eaters, I am most assuredly Team Bacon. I tried tofu about every way you can imagine in Japan but never liked the stuff. In my opinion, it says a lot about a food that is still unappealing even when it’s fried.

Some of you are probably cheering at your computer in support of my love for bacon (or at least that’s what I’ll imagine you’re doing). The rest of you are probably angry and are ready to defend your precious tofu.

Luckily, there is a solution to this age old conflict between meat eaters and vegetarians, and that solution is the Mr. Bacon vs. Monsieur Tofu Action Figures. With these action figures, we can all let out our food frustrations safely and responsibly.

This novel toy comes with two bendable action figures: the tall Mr. Bacon and the squarish Monsieur Tofu. I don’t know if the manufacturer is a fellow bacon enthusiast, but he certainly didn’t help tofu’s image by giving Monsieur Tofu a villainous looking monocle and upturned mustache—but I digress.

Like many of the reviewers, Kenneth E. Udut is pro-bacon, maybe even more so than I am.

Mr. Bacon is the most fun we have had in our entire lives...Mr. Bacon Bendable Action Figure Toy, even though we can’t eat him, is the most awesome present anyone can get for anyone ever in their entire lives.

That is strong language! Playing with Mr. Bacon may be loads of fun, but you know what is also fun? Eating loads of bacon! This review may be a bit of an over sell, however Kenneth concludes his review with this very articulate exchange.

“Eat more Tofu!"
NO!
BACONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!

R. Jason overcomes adversity in his review and even shares a heartwarming message.

I bought the Bacon v. Tofu toys on the advice of my psychiatrist, who recommended that I physically act out to resolve my lingering conflict between eating healthy, which my mom wanted me to do, and gorging unrepentantly on food products comprised of 95% animal fat, like I wanted to do. Turns out this toy was a Godsend. After 8 short months of bashing Bacon and Tofu together in the bath, I have resolved my inner conflict and released my food hangups. The key, as I discovered, and as Accoutrements insightfully predicted in designing these indestructible toys, is that neither Bacon nor Tofu wins. They have to learn to co-exist peacefully together.

Although I’m mildly concerned that this adult plays with toys in the bathtub, his message is rather beautiful. Who knew plastic toy foods could be so moving?

R. Toy “the Rhubarb” provides us with our literal stupid review for the week.

I was excited to get my bento box of happy fun Tofu and Bacon. I must say though, they both tasted kind of plasticy and had an odd rubbery texture. Next time, I will sprinkle them with bacon salt prior to mastication.

Maybe I shouldn’t be too harsh on R. Toy. No where in the product description does it say it's inedible, but when was the last time your bacon and had a face and your tofu wore a monocle?

Finally, I’ll leave you with the words of Colin Chapman, whose review reveals the true essence of this toy.

Many battles between these two foes have dotted the arc of history. The ongoing conflict is best summed up with [the] words of Monsieur Tofu, “Mr. Bacon is an enemy worth having.”